<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Under the Moonlight's Embrace by aquarella_d</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23589616">Under the Moonlight's Embrace</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquarella_d/pseuds/aquarella_d'>aquarella_d</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>League of Legends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, I'm Sorry, Implied Relationships, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Post-Break Up, also young shenzed, english is not my first language, kayn is zed's son sorry i don't make the rules, kaynphel/shenzed but not really???, mostly kayn rambling about aphelios, they were not even together in the first place lmao, this implies aphelios has traveled to ionia searching for diana btw</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:20:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,732</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23589616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquarella_d/pseuds/aquarella_d</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Memories do not come when they are requested, Shieda. They always come in the worst time possible."<br/>As his gaze meets the moon shining above them, Kayn realizes his master can read him as a book — and the chapters in it contained past regrets and broken hearts.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aphelios/Shieda Kayn, Shen/Zed (League of Legends)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Under the Moonlight's Embrace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>ok. i'm not a native english speaker nor am i a writer, BUT i crave for more kaynphel content in the world and this is what you'll get from me: sad, angsty, occasionally fluffy and badly written fanfics of these two emo freaks that i love so much. if i ever get the nerve to post them.<br/>anyway, this thing is kaynphel/shenzed but not really??? it's mostly a conversation between kayn and zed (written at 3am, might i add) because i was craving for both father/son kaynzed and angsty kaynphel.<br/>but enough of my rambling; i hope you enjoy this!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kayn wasn't someone who stopped on his tracks to look at the horizon. Yet, his eyes still wandered to the sea, gleaming under the moonlight, and a sigh left his lips.</p>
<p>"What's wrong, Shieda?" Zed's raspy voice broke the cold silence of the night, and the Master of the Yánléi turned around to gaze at his apprentice. </p>
<p>"Nothing, master." A quick answer as the young man looked away and continued walking.</p>
<p>But Zed didn't.</p>
<p>"...master? We've got a mission to finish, you know."</p>
<p>"Shieda, there's clearly something bothering you. What is it?"</p>
<p>He saw the boy grow up from a feral, almost gremlin-like, boy with no manners and way too many scars from his homeland to a graceful assassin, with an arm marked by his... <em> questionable </em> decisions. It was no wonder he knew when the scythe-wielder's mind was somewhere else, just like a parent knows it’s children.</p>
<p>"It's nothing important, master", Kayn growled, furrowing his brows. "Why does that matter, anyway? One or two intrusive thoughts won't disturb me when we're one with the shadows."</p>
<p>"When your mind is not in the right place, you're not in your peak performance." Zed was still stuck in place, white hair flowing with the slight breeze as piercing hazel eyes glared over Shieda's figure. "Isn't that what I teached you?"</p>
<p>Kayn knows his master's words. One of the many things Zed had to repeat over and over again until it actually got into his childish stupid head at the time.</p>
<p>"Yeah, but- just forget it, master. I'm not bothering you with <em> that </em>." The wall-walker avoided his gaze, hands closed into a fist as he closed his eyes and shaked his head.</p>
<p>"Shieda-"</p>
<p>"I just thought the moon was beautiful tonight! For fuck's sake, did you <em> really </em> have to make me say that out loud?!" He squealed, rolling his eyes. Kayn could feel his face getting warmer as he crossed his arms, and Zed smiled as he remembers just how many times he saw the young man doing the same exact thing as a child. "What? Are you laughing at me now?"</p>
<p>"The moon. Why does that remind me of that targonian friend of yours? Aphelios, wasn't it?"</p>
<p>If Shieda's face was already red, now it was in a crimson shade all over his cheeks. He gagged on his own words, stumbling and stuttering, trying to figure out a proper reply to that, and all the master could think was of himself at a young age.</p>
<p>The smile faded for a second.</p>
<p>"W-what do you mean by that?!" Kayn's voice was just a high-pitched squeak, full with anger and embarrasment. "Why are you- for the gods, master, what is <em> wrong </em> with you?!"</p>
<p>"I don't know. I just mentioned your friend. Why are you so upset by that?"</p>
<p>All Kayn wanted to do now was walk into a hole and stay in there. Forever. Never again seeing his master's face.</p>
<p>"I- I- uh…", he lowered his gaze, again staring at the ocean. "I… just don't think that's relevant to the task at hand. Nor to the subject."</p>
<p>"You were thinking of him, weren't you?"</p>
<p>His heart skipped a beat.</p>
<p>A nervous laughter filled the silence.</p>
<p>"Maybe. Maybe I was", he admitted, now gazing at the full moon up in the night sky. "But this is… not the time for that."</p>
<p>"Memories do not come when they are requested to, Shieda. They always come in the worst time possible."</p>
<p>He stared at his master, now noticing the sad look in his eyes.</p>
<p>"You don't have to tell me what's truly on your mind if you do not wish to", Zed continued, following their tracks again. They shouldn't stop for long. "Just know that I'm here to listen to you if you ever feel the need to speak about it."</p>
<p>Kayn stumbled on himself as he tried to accompany his master after dumbly staring at him for a few seconds.</p>
<p>"I… was just wondering how he was doing, if you wanna know", he spoke in a rather quiet way. It was more to himself than to anyone else — but still, Zed turned his head and listened. "If he's… alright. If he's hurt. If he hasn't done anything stupid enough to get him killed."</p>
<p>The master smiled again.</p>
<p>"Are you worried about him?"</p>
<p>"Wha- no! He can take care of himself, that's not the problem", Kayn looked away, timidly raising his shoulders as his face was flustered yet again. "It's just… what if we never see each other again? What if- hell, maybe he has forgotten about me. Do you think he thinks about me, master?"</p>
<p>Zed's laugh is soft as he notices the worry in Kayn's voice.</p>
<p>"I'm sure he does", he murmurs, treading quietly under the moonlight as they both reach for their mission, one step at a time. "You're… pretty memorable, if I have to say so myself."</p>
<p>"...is that a <em> compliment </em> or an <em> insult </em>, master?"</p>
<p>"That depends on how you take it."</p>
<p>"Well, <em> that </em> doesn't help!"</p>
<p>Silence takes over for a moment as both of them walk side by side, still thinking about how to continue this conversation — <em> if </em>they even wanted to continue it, that is.</p>
<p>"You miss him, don't you?"</p>
<p>Again, a sigh left Kayn's lips.</p>
<p>"Yes. Yes, I fucking do."</p>
<p>Zed sees his apprentice — no, his <em> successor </em> — giving up on trying to look like he doesn't care. The scythe-wielder clutched tightly on the wide leather straps holding his weapon in place, eyes staring at the night sky while the moonlight bathed him in all his beauty. There was a tired look to him, a sad gaze that the older man knew very well.</p>
<p>"Did you know he kissed me before leaving, master?" There was now a frail smile curling Kayn's lip, his fingers now running through his messy dark hair tied into a braid. "Said he didn't want to leave, but he had to. And I let him go, even if I wanted him <em> here </em> , then and now. I didn't dare to say 'what about us', because there <em> was </em>no us, even if I wanted it so badly."</p>
<p>That was way too familiar for the master.</p>
<p>"Is it foolish to think I would like to change things if I ever had the chance?" Shieda's voice was now shaky, kinda between a laugh and a cry. He chuckled, though it hurted him to think about <em> that </em> . "Maybe I should've held his hand. Asked him to stay. Or maybe I should've acted sooner. Do you think he would have stayed if I told him earlier about what I felt for him? If we weren't so <em> oblivious </em> to each other? I know the past is in the past, but still… I can't forgive myself for letting him go, you know. Might be selfish of me, but I… I still think of the things he told me. The things he had and has to sacrifice… I just… wanted to make him happy. To see a smile on his face and to hear his laughter."</p>
<p>"Sounds incredibly similar to my own experience with love, if I'm being honest."</p>
<p>Kayn suddenly stops and looks at his master, eyes wide.</p>
<p>"Wait, <em> what </em>?!"</p>
<p>"You heard me, Shieda. Don't act stupid."</p>
<p>"I did, but- wha- do you-"</p>
<p>"Yes, I have loved before. I'm not heartless." Zed says, turning around as soon as he notices Kayn isn't by his side anymore. "What is it?"</p>
<p>"I'm just… surprised. That is all."</p>
<p>The older man smiled, admired at how the moon was just behind Kayn, wrapping around his silhouette like in a cinematographic shot as the breeze softly caressed the braided hair. It was like it was looking over the Shadow Reaper.</p>
<p>Zed wondered for a moment if that kind of thing meant anything in the targonian faith.</p>
<p>"What I can tell you is that it takes a while to stop hurting", he spoke softly as he looked over to the sea, just over the spot Kayn was staring earlier. "Sometimes, it doesn't stop. It probably never will. But what we can do is understand it doesn't change a thing if we regret our decisions or not."</p>
<p>Kayn listened carefully, even if his chest felt painfully tight hearing Zed's words.</p>
<p>"Regret doesn't nullify our actions. And, even if it did, would it change a thing if you told him earlier you had feelings for him? Would he have stayed if you had kissed him sooner? Wouldn't it be more painful if he had to leave even if you did hold his hand and told him to stay?" The master sighed. "He left for a reason, Shieda, and that is <em> duty. </em>Because, I'll be real with you, Aphelios is a man bound by it. It is all he has, as far as I know. That in itself should already tell you he wouldn't give up on his life because of love."</p>
<p>"I- I wouldn't ask such thing of him-"</p>
<p>"Trust me. You would."</p>
<p>Kayn's words got stuck in his throat, his mind searching for the right answer. But there was none, because Zed was right — asking him to stay was asking him to put love in front of everything else. Instead, he replied with a simple question.</p>
<p>"Did you ask that from the person you loved, master?"</p>
<p>This time, the sigh came from Zed.</p>
<p>"No. I did not. But that's because I knew the answer from the beginning."</p>
<p>The Kinkou saying still rang in his head, over and over again. <em> The Eye of Twilight is blind to everything that affects its judgement. </em> </p>
<p>No matter how many mornings, afternoons and evenings Zed — in that time, Usan — had spent courting the now leader of the Kinkou, he never could have asked for his feelings to be reciprocated.</p>
<p>After all, it was all a joke, wasn't it? It's not like he <em> truly </em> meant it. It was just a child's mind playing around with some random thoughts of kissing his friend and holding his hand and making him smile.</p>
<p>His laughter sounded sad and painful this time. Still, it was soft. Kayn didn't know a lot about this side of his master; it was… bittersweet.</p>
<p>"Master."</p>
<p>"Yes?"</p>
<p>"Do you think I'll ever see Phel again?"</p>
<p>The Master of Shadows and his successor looked again at the sea, glaring at the dark horizon covered by stars. The moonlight now shone above them.</p>
<p>"I think you know the answer for that, Shieda."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i am honestly so sorry. both for submitting you to this torture and because i love to be a MEANIE when it comes to these two (or four? i love hurting shen and zed as well, but kayn and aphelios suffer way more on my hand lmao) and I Will Not Stop Doing It.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>